It’s already been a week since I came back from the 2-day silent retreat. I needed some time to process my disappointment. I was expecting that I would come away from this retreat as a brand new person, at least with some new understanding of myself but I did not, or so I thought.
I did not know what was happening underneath the surface but something was happening.
I did the third self-assessment a few days earlier and it showed that I only improved by 1 point. The difference between my first and second was 7, which was great but from November to March the difference was only 1. Why? Another disappointment. What was going on?
This is my analyses. I think when I first began, I was on a high learning curve, I wanted to do my best and I mustered up enthusiasm and sheer effort and I changed. That was great. But, after a few months, the enthusiasm dwindled. I did the work but with hardly any emotions.
After I came back from the silent retreat I realized that about 8 years ago, I subconsciously decided that emotions were not worth having. Just thinking logically through things, without emotions was less painful and less draining, so I thought. Emotions caused lots of pain and problems in my past and I did not want them to express themselves. I thought if I could contain my emotions, I would be safe. That might be true to a certain degree but I realized that by stuffing the anger, fear, sadness, frustration, grief and the disappointments, it took away the joy, passion, excitement, gratefulness, delight and the fun of life as well. I wasn’t trying to master my emotions, I was burying them.
I think I am getting it. Thought plus feelings make a belief which leads to action then the result comes. Feelings are so important. It was the missing link. I say my DMP with enthusiasm. I sit and feel the gratefulness as I write the things I am thankful for. I am the master of my emotions. My emotions fuel my thoughts to create beliefs to create wealth and prosperity. I am the master of my emotions.