This week I am trying to focus on the business part of my DMP especially in regards to sacrifice.  What do I want to overcome?  What do I want to give up?  I am having a mini panic attack.  I feel my chest getting little tighter.  I feel fear poking its ugly head out of hiding.  It’s causing confusion and hopelessness.  Wow, I didn’t know it was this big.  I am trying not to be negative but I feel paralyzed.  In analogy to the golden Buddha,  I hit the part of the Buddha where the cement is really hard and thick.  I need to continue to chip at it, no matter how hard it is, no matter how much pain it causes and no matter how long it takes.  I will overcome.  I am an overcomer.

I have been practicing sitting 15 minutes completely still and it was not very difficult.  Now I am adding on “inhibit all thought”.  Wow, so many thoughts and in so many directions.  I was trying to capture those thoughts and boy was it difficult.  But it’s ok because I am going to keep practicing and I will master controlling my thoughts.

MKE is a lot of work but I have decided that I am worth the 6 months investment.  I am revising my DMP and it’s really making me think about what I really want especially when I have to pick the just the right words, make it concise, think about the feelings associated with each want and getting a picture in my mind.  I can feel something happening inside of me, it feels right and I am hopeful.  Loving the experience thus far.

Can I really do this? I am reading about Edwin C. Barnes and other great people and I am wondering, “do I have what it takes?” I am scared to find that I do not have what it takes. I know that reading about these famous people are to be inspiring and are to fill us with hope and courage but I am wondering if I can. There are only a few of them and so many who are not. Maybe I am part of the “so many” and yet deep inside I want to be the part of the few. I have read about these courageous and special people many times before and was inspired but only for a moment and I then I went on with life. Will this time be different? I know I am being pessimistic but I am trying to be real and vulnerable so that I can change.

A Little bit overwhelmed. Trying to figure out if I am doing this right and if I am getting what I need to do done. I am trying not to be a perfectionist and believe that it is all about learning in the process. I have been unusually tired but at the same time, unusual things came up this week. I am hoping that as I continue with MKE, I will live life liking myself and being confident of who I am and having peace and joy in all circumstances.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton